Letter to a Friend as I Leave

written June 19, 2023

For Kelly M—-

For Sarah F—-

No tear runs down my cheek 

As I give you a last embrace

As you stand and wave

My smile remains steady

My step is confident and sure

As I turn and walk away

Do not be fooled, my friend.

I’m not so emotionless as I seem.

As I give you a last embrace

I soak up what it feels like

As you stand and wave

I commit to memory your face

As I turn and walk away

I am hyper-aware of my surroundings.

I am pensive and sentimental

At our parting, my friend.

The air is slightly cool

But not enough to bring a chill

Your eyes are so bright and clear

The sight of them makes me smile

Your embrace is strong yet gentle

Infused with the warmth of your affection

And I’m amazed at how precious you are

Though my time here was short—

The things I’ll carry with me

The memories shared

That I’ll cherish forever.

It’s moist outside and I try to place it—

I’m not sure it’s quite drizzling

But it’s not considered a fog—

Even the not-rain can’t decide

But to lightly imply precipitation

Not really enough for an umbrella

But by the time I’ve walked far away

It’s enough to leave me wet

With reality: I’ll miss you.

And I’ll miss this street

And I’ll miss that tree

And I’ll miss that shop

And I’ll miss the church

And I’ll miss this weather

That can never decide

Whether it’s coming or going

Just like me: I hope I’ll return

But I don’t know if I ever will.

And just like you say of the weather,

It’s the spice of life.

And I wonder what you’re thinking

As I leave you

I wonder if you’re wishing

I would cry or show emotion

I’m pretty sure you’re thinking

You’ll miss me too

And I’m thinking

How much I used to hate it

When people would leave me.

I know the feeling all too well.

I’m remembering how I felt

When a friend came who I grew to love

Poured herself all in (just like I have)

Explored and tried new things—

It felt like I’d known her for ages

We talked about everything—

And then she was gone.

And she left with a smile on her face

No promise of return

(And I begged her to return).

(She never did.) Now I’m in her place

And I’m reliving that parting—

I don’t know exactly what you’re thinking

But I suspect I know

And that knowing makes this parting

Very poignant for me.

I’ve always been sentimental

But it’s hard to leave a place

When I know how it feels to be left

It’s harder to enter a place

And dive all in

When I know it might hurt you to love me.

Dear friend, I don’t know why

Life is filled with partings

But it is.

And that friend I met long ago

Taught me a lesson about loving wholly

So as much as it may hurt,

I think it’s worth it

And I hope you’ll understand

That if I never see you again

It’s not because I don’t love you.

I do.

And I’m so grateful I didn’t let fear hold me back

From loving you.

I think I finally understand how she felt

When she had to leave me.

Though I’ve not seen her since,

I learned much from her

And laughed and loved

Even as I have with you.

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