written February 15, 2022
For Mac, my grandmother.
I am told my sweet sister has your eyes,
My mother your love for babies,
And I your steady nature.
I have a skirt of yours, decorated by your own hands,
Which you no doubt loved when you were young.
I have your sewing machine at which you spent hours, years,
From before you were married until you could no longer sew.
Grief is a strange thing:
I shed no tears when you passed on eight years ago,
Yet now I can’t stop doing so.
How can I mourn you I never knew?
By the time I was old enough to know,
Disease had already changed you.
I was whisked away by circumstances,
And I chose to be away later, after you passed.
I thought I was being responsible
When in reality I was being foolish.
You are a part of me, my blood, my history;
I feel I have lost part of myself.
How can I be so grieved about you I never loved?
Yet it is that very fact, that I never grew to love you
That brings tears of sadness now:
I lost you before I loved you.
TCKs for Christ: Newsletter Manager
is a TCK from America who spent half of her childhood in Indonesia along with her parents and seven younger siblings. She’s passionate about learning new things and seeing the beauty in differences. In her free time, she likes to read, play board games, talk, laugh, write poetry, joke, and meet new people. She’s also a student at Moody Bible Institute, working towards her bachelor’s in Linguistics and Teaching English. Connect with her social media handle, @Godisgraciousx2.