Oh, the wonderful season of the holidays! The annoying tune of “Jingle Bells” floated across the air, insisting on reminding me of the approaching joy. Who knew that so much marketing and product pushing could add to the aggravation of the holiday for me?
It was my first year back in the States after being in Europe for over 14 years. I missed the European Christmas markets where you could get roasted chestnuts to warm your cold fingers. I missed the crepes and the true cheer and smiles as you walked the cobbled streets of the old towns.
There wasn’t a rush to find the perfect product or tree. The marketing didn’t seem to remind you about your need for a special someone with whom to have a magical Christmas. The advertisements didn’t pressure you to find what the world deems as “true love” around the holidays.
In America, however, this kind of thinking was everywhere. Advertisements promoted the “perfect gift,” serving as a reminder throughout the holidays that loneliness is inferior.
My longings for a significant other grew over the holidays as I saw friends getting engaged. I was 19 years old when I moved to Texas. Suddenly, everyone I knew was getting married or going to college and finding that special someone. While they were planning their futures joyfully, I contemplated if I would ever meet anyone.
When would I find someone who understood my heart for people globally? Would he enjoy food from different cultures? Would he want to see the places in Europe where I grew up? Were there guys who wouldn’t say, “Oh, that is nice” when I told them I grew up in Europe?
The loneliness felt intense as a season surrounded by love and joy became dismal for me. I thought, “God, will there ever be someone who understands the TCK part of me?” Even now as I am over 30, I still struggle with loneliness and longing for someone special to share life with. I miss the community Europe seemed to offer, but I also know times have changed.
And yet, through these lonely years of unfulfilled longings, God has continued to teach me to appreciate the gifts He gives me even in the spaces of waiting. Waiting on Him to fill the lonely places of my heart.
Gift of Time
One lonely space for me was my time in Germany. I didn’t have many friends. My family was struggling, and I was wondering what I should do for a career. Bitterness at where God had placed me took over my thoughts. I was a grouch. In my longing for something else, I had forgotten to be thankful for what I had in the present – even the small things, like the gift of time for more reading.
Time is a real treasure. We will never live in the same moment twice or be the same person we were in that moment. We cannot add or subtract the time God has allowed us. But we choose how we will spend it. Loneliness allows us more time to reflect, slow down, and focus on what matters to us. It helps us look at the condition of our hearts and see things from different perspectives.
God is the creator of time. James says, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning” (James 1:17 NKJV). Time changes things, but God is not changed by time. We change and grow every year, but we can find assurance in knowing that God is stable even when our feelings are not.
When you feel lonely, you can take the time to pray or praise. God has gifted you with time to know Him more. Don’t miss the opportunity to treasure the moments God has given you.
When you feel loneliness take over your thoughts, talk to God about the longings of your heart. Ask Him to change those longings or give you opportunities, if that is what He deems best. You don’t know how your perspectives will change. Use it for His glory and your growth. This may start with a daily commitment to rehearse the gospel to yourself. This is a choice, and it takes a moment of your gift of time.
Gift of Thankfulness
Loneliness can create a pause in life during which we need to reexamine our hearts. Recently, I felt lonely and sad, giving me a pause in life. One of my friends knew I was struggling. She sent me a quick message on the phone and then brought me some food. She understands that food is my love language. These gifts helped my lonely heart, and God used my friend’s care to remind me that He cares for me.
When you are lonely, is there a particular friend or family member you miss? If they are still alive, take time to thank them. Tell them how much they matter to you. In your times of feeling lonely, write them a card, a text, or an email. Give someone a call if you are into chatting on the phone or video messaging. Small things create little steps to refocus our hearts toward giving thanks.
1 Thessalonians 5:18 tells us to give thanks in everything. This includes those lonely seasons of life. Colossians 4:2 states, “Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful” (NIV). Prayer and thanksgiving are tied together.
Isaiah 41:10 talks about God upholding us by His hand. When He sends friends your way, take the time to cultivate an attitude of gratitude. He is using people to uphold and keep you.
Gift of Christ
I know there have been many lonely people, but the person who understood it best was Christ. Christ came as God in the flesh and entered into our human suffering so that we could become children of God. He came so that we could be bought by the precious blood of the Lamb and adopted into His large family.
Isaiah 53:3 tells us, “He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief” (ESV). A man who had deep friendships, but whose friends didn’t understand Him. He hung on a cross for crimes He didn’t commit. He had a deep relationship with the Father, but on the cross, the Father turned His back on the Son.
Christ understands the loneliness, changes, or uncertainty you might be facing. He sees you when you feel unseen, and longs to love and comfort you in the heartache and to share in your triumphs. He desires that you understand and know Him better through the study of Scripture.
Scripture is a wonderful gift to us because the whole of it is getting to know and enjoy Christ. It is in those pages we can find solace and rest for a weary and lonely heart.
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:28–29 ESV
True rest is found in Jesus Christ. As you walk through life, may you be reminded that Christ is walking with you. Traverse this road well so that when you finally reach the true home your heart longs for, you can hear those words of welcome.
“Well done, good and faithful servant; you have been faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.” Matthew 25:23 NKJV
Loneliness can blind us to the gifts God gives us. It may try to steal our joy. I want to be thankful for the memories of walking down the cobble streets with a community of people, eating roasted chestnuts along the way, instead of being bitter and sad that I no longer am in that community.
When I step into a store filled with the tune of “Jingle Bells” the difference is evident. I am not walking down cobblestone streets with a community of people enjoying each other’s presence instead of rushing to gain the latest present. However, I don’t want to miss the true gifts of the season. I want the season to not remind me of the loneliness, but to serve as a reminder to treasure Christ more. If you find yourself longing for the things you have no control over, remember that this world is not your true home. Treasuring Christ and knowing Him is the ultimate gift.
TCKs for Christ: Staff Writer
Sarah Swysgood
is a military kid who grew up in the UK and Germany. She can be found experimenting with food, spices, and herbs in her kitchen or curled up reading with a spot of tea! She enjoys writing, listening to people’s stories, and encouraging others to love Christ more.
tcksforchrist.com 
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