Why does it keep coming back
to hurt me
to haunt me
to sadden me
each time I see your lovely face?
It’s like a dull ache
in my throat
in my chest
in my ears
each time I hear your joyous laugh.
A dull ache that returns again
of what was
of what is
of what could’ve been
each time I know you’re communicating silently
when it’s not meant for me.
Will this dull ache continually return
to hurt me
to haunt me
to sadden me
each time I think of your sweet friendship?
This dull ache says,
‘I want to see you
to speak with you
to share in your struggles.’
but when I see you
speak with you
it magnifies my inward struggles
and this dull ache.
When will it go away?
This dull ache says,
‘I love you’
‘I miss you’
‘I want you back in my life again’
each time I see you
I hear you
I think of you
and the sweet friendship we shared.
When will it go away?
This dull ache says,
‘You prefer to see her
to speak to her
to share with her your struggles’
each time you two exchange a glance or laugh.
When will it stop coming back
to hurt me
to haunt me
to sadden me
each time I see your lovely face?
Maybe it never will.
This dull ache says,
‘I want to see you
to speak to you
to share in your struggles’—
I think that’s love speaking.
But I’m not used to that;
I never knew
Love is like a dull ache
in my throat
in my chest
in my ears
when I’m near you.
(But love does not envy
so when this dull ache says
you love her more
it must not be love.)
I don’t know why it keeps coming back
or if it will continually return
or when it will go away,
stop coming back
to sadden me.
But I do know:
Even if it doesn’t go away
each time I see your face
each time I hear your laugh
each time I think of you
even if this dull ache never leaves,
it reminds me
God’s love is constant.
Continue reading: I Just Want an Embrace.
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