“You’re not a fainter, are you?” the optician asked me as we sat in her tiny office, preparing to initiate me into the fellowship of contact lens wearers.
I laughed nervously. “Not as far as I know. Why?”
“I’ve had two people faint when I was trying to put in their contacts. One girl did admit she was a fainter, but the other was a six-foot-tall macho man!” the optician chuckled.
Thankfully, it wasn’t as hard as I feared for her to get the lenses into my eyes.
Getting them in and out by myself, however, was another matter. How could something so small cause me such sinking feelings of dread, such trembling hands and sweaty palms, such a pounding heart?
It took me 45 minutes to get my first contact lenses in and out without the help of the optician, but I was jubilant. I had conquered my fear and was a successful contact lens wearer.
Confronting my Anxieties
My introduction to contact lenses wasn’t my only confrontation with fear that summer. In fact, that summer was full of facing fears — anxieties that might seem small to other people, but which loomed large in my mind.
It was the last summer before college graduation, and I was afraid that I wouldn’t make enough money for the next semester’s expenses. I usually taught English in a summer school, but we didn’t have many students that year, so I went weeks without work. I worried about finances.
When I did go back to work, I had to invigilate a Cambridge English exam for the very first time. I had to prepare the exam room and observe students taking the exam to make sure they didn’t cheat. It just so happened that I — and the rest of the school — would be officially inspected by the government’s Office for Standards in Education while the exam was going on.
The school inspector sat eagle-eyed in the back of the classroom while I walked around coolly, hoping that I looked more professional than I felt, and mentally running through my checklist of exam invigilator duties. “What if I’ve forgotten something? What if I make the school lose its exam center status because I do something foolish?” My stomach churned … but nothing terrible happened.
I also faced the fear of making a choice that would leave me vulnerable. I knew I needed to be honest and open with someone instead of running away from a difficult conversation. The conversation didn’t go as I had hoped, but conquering that fear was a gloriously freeing experience.
The biggest fear I faced, though, was not as “easy” to resolve as with learning how to wear contact lenses, invigilating exams, or having hard conversations.
I was entering my final year of university. I was 24 years old. I felt like I should have my life together, but I didn’t.
People kept asking me, “So, what are you going to do after you graduate? Are you staying in America? Are you coming back to England?”
I didn’t know. And I hated saying that. What was I going to do? I felt the pressure of having a limited time to make up my mind, especially as an international student who had to worry about visa issues.
Clinging to God’s Promises
One night, I jolted awake in a sudden panic at the thought of how quickly time was passing and how uncertain I was. My future looked blank — even bleak — to my darkened, anxious state of mind.
Then, suddenly, I felt God speaking to me so strongly that I felt compelled to write down the thoughts in my journal:
“I have not called you to freak out about the future, to worry about life after graduation, your relationships, or your money. Your fear will not alter My plan, but it will rob you of today’s joy. I have called you to walk with Me today, to give yourself to today, to trust Me today. I am not against you. I am able to do more than you can ask or imagine. Stop doubting and believe. I will show you what you should do at the right time. Turn your whole being to trusting and loving Me.”
The next day, I thumbed through my Bible, remembering passages that underscored the impression I’d had the night before.
“Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it.” (Psalm 81:10 NIV)
“Give us this day our daily bread.” (Matthew 6:11 NIV)
“Therefore, I tell you, do not worry about your life…So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6:25–34 NIV)
“How priceless is your unfailing love, O God! People take refuge in the shadow of your wings. They feast on the abundance of your house; you give them drink from your river of delights.” (Psalm 36:7–8 NIV)
I was comforted by the promises I read.
As I went back to college that fall, I felt anticipation. I didn’t have all the answers about my future yet. I still felt fear, from time to time. But I knew God was with me.
The God who strengthened me to confront so many fears that summer, small and large, would continue to help me face my fears for the future. Walking with Him today was enough.
TCKs for Christ: Staff Writer
Lynette Allcock Yoon
is a writer, teacher, and former radio host. She grew up in three countries and now lives in South Korea with her husband. She writes about life abroad, faith, and relationships from an expat, TCK perspective. Lynette loves helping fellow wanderers and sojourners to feel seen, encouraging them to overcome the challenges and find the beauty in cross-cultural living. Outside of work, she enjoys musical theatre and long walks with good friends.
You can find her on Instagram @wordsforwanderers or at lynetteallcock.com.
tcksforchrist.com 
Join the Conversation