TCK Voices: If You Don’t Know Where You’re From, Know Where You’re Going

Today we have Y.E. here. Welcome, Y.E!

Can you tell us a bit about yourself and the different cultures you are part of?

Hi, there! I’m Y.E., and I’m an adult TCK, specifically an MK (missionary kid). My family moved to mainland China when I was three. I lived in three different places on the mission field for a total of 13 years before returning to the Philippines, my home country, to study at university.

I was a former special needs education teacher and got involved in the deaf ministry at my home church. Currently, I am a missionary’s wife serving the Lord in Japan alongside my husband.

What is one memory from your time in a non-passport country that you’d like to share?

Mainland China is a restricted-access nation when it comes to missions. The churches I’ve known since I was a child are underground house churches (not recognized by the government), and evangelism and outreach are always discreet and creative. When caught by the government, missionaries are commonly deported. Local believers receive harsher consequences.

When I was around six or seven years old, my father’s phone rang unexpectedly during our regular worship service with the Chinese brethren gathered at our house. It was from the local police, who had been regularly checking on us ever since a foreign non-believer had reported seeing a Christian activity with short-term foreigners telling Chinese kids about Jesus at an English school. (We lived in a small town then, so the foreigner community knew one another.)

I remember everyone starting to pick up the Bibles and songbooks, silently, and hiding them out of sight. Board games and Chinese checkers were brought out. The TV was turned on. My mom and some of the ladies hurried to the kitchen to prepare lunch earlier than usual. 

Then the doorbell rang. Two police officers entered the house and were ushered to a seat and offered hot tea. They spoke to my father, scanned the room and everyone in it, and left.

I wasn’t saved yet at that time, but I recall the relief that swept across the room and the prayers of thanksgiving. For me, as a child, it was the “normal,” but looking back now, I am always challenged by the faith of missionaries serving in restricted-access nations. 

There are many more similar situations (and more intense ones, with only my parents involved — I think the Lord did not see me ready for such experiences and spared me from those), but God is always at work, even today, protecting His church, His people.

What is the hardest thing about being a TCK?

Whether the people asking are referring to nationality, hometown, or where I currently live, I dread the question, “Where are you from?” I often hesitate and think, Short answer or long answer?

Believe me, the pause between is always awkward.

Being TCKs with many roots and many people and places we call home does not mean we don’t belong or that we don’t have an identity of who we are as a person. Yes, I understand that there are countless times it feels “de-structuring” in our core not to have a single root like non-TCKs where they can clearly answer, “I am from ______. This is where I belong,” even as an adult.

I learned that what’s more important is not the past, but knowing where you are going — that is, spiritually. There are times when I don’t know where I’m from, but I’m sure I know where I’m going. Sometimes I don’t know who I am, but I know who I believe in. As a sinner saved by grace through the blood of Jesus shed on the cross for me, I am a citizen of heaven, and that’s where I’m from, and it’s where I’m heading.

Fixing my eyes on where I’m headed helps me keep things in the right perspective, including accepting with sincere gratitude the many roots of where I am from. My identity is in Christ. I belong to Him. I am complete in Him. Then I realize that I am only shaken about my identity or sense of belongingness when I start comparing myself with others, especially with non-TCKs, and envying what they have that I don’t.

However, while life is difficult, the Lord is kind to let me enjoy a circle of “my kind of people” while still living in this world. He has His people where I can be safe and belong — people who love the Lord, who love and see me just as who I am, who nurture my spiritual walk in the Lord, and make me desire to grow closer to Him as they are close to Him. They are the people whom the Lord uses to ground me and settle me when I feel like I don’t have structure.

How has being a TCK influenced your friendships and relationships?

Being a TCK has helped me observe first before engaging, be adaptable and sensitive in cross-cultural interactions, and be a great listener. On the other hand, being a TCK (or is it just my personality?) has also made me feel lonely in relationships because I have felt like I am mostly the one adjusting for the other person. I have also experienced enough goodbyes to know what I can open up about and to whom.

Being an MK, my upbringing included reaching out to people to build relationships for the cause of the gospel. I developed a mask of people-pleasing out of fear that I would taint not only my personal testimony as a Christ-follower, but also my parents’ testimonies as missionaries and parents. I had to be the “perfect” MK so that no blame would be placed on my family and on Christianity. But the Lord had to break me in the process, so that I would only depend on Him, not my own strength.

I’m like a palette collecting solid colors and mixtures of other colors. I can be a purple when I interact with a red or a blue. But I can also be an orange when I am with yellows. Then at the end of the day, I kind of feel like the color black because I have mixed too many colors all at once and don’t know what color I am. However, now as an adult, I am learning that I don’t have to shift colors by absorbing the colors of a certain culture just to adapt to the people. I can be myself (including a display of my weaknesses) and allow the Holy Spirit to have His way in me and His love flow through me when reaching out to people, both believers and unbelievers.

Honestly, I am not skilled at meeting new people, but I value deep relationships. Filipino people are generally warm and easily make friends, whereas I have some subtle trust issues when it comes to relationships because I don’t want the hurt of goodbyes. However, I am grateful the Lord brought me to Japan, where people also value deeper relationships, and thus, building trust in relationships is a long-term process. It is challenging when it comes to personal evangelism, but I’ve also seen the Lord using my TCK-MK background in social interactions. I am grateful each time the Japanese slowly open up to me as I likewise open up to them.

What characteristic of God have you learned most about in your life as a TCK?

The Lord is my refuge, my safe place. He is the unchangeable God whose faithfulness is steadfast. Being a TCK meant constant changes and relocations. With God, He is my Anchor who holds me grounded to who I am in Him.

As you’re married to a non-TCK, what are the main challenges of being a wife to a non-TCK?

I am really grateful my husband is a creative, visionary, and open-minded man. The main challenge is when I share the grief of saying goodbye to a certain place with certain people, which he cannot completely understand (and I don’t force him to). However, I admire how my husband helps steady me when I’m lacking structure because of his non-TCK background (he can look back to a childhood growing up in one place, in a single culture, and with the same group of people). Also, since my husband is a missionary, he is engaged in cross-cultural experiences.

What have you learned from those challenges?

I have learned that my husband and I are a team. We complement each other. He has strengths, so do I. TCKs are not above non-TCKs, and vice versa. When he feels homesick for our home country (and I don’t, hahaha), food, and Filipino-style fellowships, I am not as emotionally affected as he is, which benefits both of us because we need to stay grounded. Likewise, when I feel homesick for my past, he encourages me to keep on looking at what is ahead.

Now, as you’re currently an adult MK who became a missionary serving in Japan, what is one thing you would like to tell TCKs who are also called to missions?

Being a TCK has equipped you with skills and experiences that are advantageous in cross-cultural exchanges. What a blessing from the Lord for giving you a head start in connecting with people from diverse backgrounds and adapting to new cultures, languages, climates, and cuisines!

Remember that missions is a spiritual work. Therefore, it can only be done through the power of God. Always let the Lord fill you up so that He overflows through you and into the lives of the people you are ministering to. 

Thank you so much for sharing with us, Y.E.!