“Expect disappointment, and you’ll never be disappointed.”
That seems like a safe way to live, doesn’t it? I certainly thought so.
Several years ago when I was a teen, a short trip to the United States turned into an extra month. Then it became indefinite. Then COVID-19 happened.
We never went back to the mission field. After two years of hoping to return while dust collected on our things and we continued to pay rent on an empty house, my parents had to resign from our sending organization. Overseas friends went through our house, sold some of our things, packed the rest, and shipped it to us in a crate.
I never got to say goodbye.
I never got to properly grieve my home, which I thought would be permanent. I never got to go through a repatriation program, because for two years we thought we would return. And through it all, I questioned God’s reasoning for ripping my family from our home overseas.
People love to quote Romans 8:28, saying,
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose” (NIV).
I tried to look for the “good” in my situation, but I saw nothing. Although my parents had given up everything and obeyed God’s call to serve Him overseas, their marriage became more and more visibly strained and dissonant as our time back in the States went on, no matter how much counseling they received.
I and my siblings felt disconnected from the friends we’d had before going overseas and at a loss for how to mourn the home we hadn’t known we were going to lose. We all grieved in our own ways.
My takeaway from the situation? “God always has His way, but it never feels good for us humans. I don’t know about that Romans 8:28 stuff. Surely it’s not a lie, but I don’t see its truth in my life.”
Expecting your parents or friends to disappoint you is one thing, but let me just say that living life expecting God to let you down is extremely difficult. And extremely detrimental.
But this has been my mindset for years!
It became so drastic that when I was thinking about potential future plans for my life, if there was something that excited me, I told myself not to get too attached. I told myself that because I wanted it, God wouldn’t give it to me.
If I was feeling happy and well, I had an underlying anxiety that something bad was about to happen, since Jesus said, “In this world you will have trouble” (John 16:33 NIV).
If I didn’t want to do something, I thought that was most likely the thing God wanted me to do, since He clearly puts His agenda over my happiness.
In short, I’ve felt for a very long time like God is essentially out to get me.
If you relate to this or you have a friend who seems to think this way, I’m sorry. It’s a terrible way to live. I pray that this bit of wisdom from my life’s intersection with God’s Word helps speak truth into your situation.
1. Who God is in the Face of Suffering
The verse that I have used countless times to combat Romans 8:28 is John 16:33: “In this world you will have trouble” (NIV). But in my blinded state of misery, I was unable (or perhaps unwilling) to read the full verse.
In its context in the book of John, Jesus is speaking to His disciples on the night of His betrayal, just before His death, somewhere between the Last Supper and the Garden of Gethsemane.
To prepare them for the impending greatest tragedy of their lives, He has spent three chapters (John 13:33–16:32) explaining to the disciples that He is about to leave them and that they are going to endure a lot of hardship and persecution, but that He will send them the Holy Spirit, and their grief will turn to joy.
At the very end of this long monologue, right before His prayer to the Father, are Jesus’ words in John 16:33: “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (NIV, emphasis added).
The point of Jesus saying this was not to bring discouragement to their hearts, but encouragement.
Not the fake, empty platitudes that we tell one another: “It’s okay” or “You’ve got this,” but the truth. The powerful truth that should blow us all away: He has overcome!
Romans 8 begins, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death” (Rom. 8:1–2 NIV, emphasis added).
This reality of what Jesus has done for us is intended to supersede the reality of the hardships that we face, not to deny them. Over and over again, Scripture’s response to pain and suffering is clear: look at the face and the character of the Lord.
When Job in the Bible lost everything, and I mean everything – his children, his possessions, his livelihood, his wealth, his physical wellness, the good opinions of his wife and friends – he cried out to God. And what was God’s response? Four chapters of the powerful and good things He had created. Four chapters! God said to Job:
“Would you discredit My justice?
Would you condemn Me to justify yourself?
Do you have an arm like God’s,
and can your voice thunder like His?
Then adorn yourself with glory and splendor,
and clothe yourself in honor and majesty.
Unleash the fury of your wrath…
look at all who are proud and humble them,
crush the wicked where they stand…
Then I Myself will admit to you
that your own right hand can save you.”
Job 40:8–14 NIV, emphasis added
How humbling! In the face of hardship, what God wants me to focus on is Him.
Now my prayer is that, no matter how bad life looks or how hard it gets, I may never forget the Lord who has created me and put breath in my lungs. May I never place myself in His seat and say I know what is best. He is my Creator, my Shelter, and my Sustainer – not my abuser that I need to shield myself from!
In the words of Romans 8:
“The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by Him we cry, ‘Abba, Father.’ The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in His sufferings in order that we may also share in His glory.”
Romans 8:15–17 NIV, emphasis added
What a beautiful truth! In light of who God is and what He has done, what does He really mean when He says that “in all things [He] works for the good of those who love Him” (Rom. 8:28 NIV)?
2. What God Means When He Says it’s “For My Good”
We all know the verse, we use it to encourage one another, and we put it on our walls, our journals, our doors, and our cards. But do we know what it means? And do we believe it?
At least from my life, I’m inclined to think the answer is a resounding no.
The problem is multi-faceted, but it comes down to a misunderstanding of what God means when He says “good.” Notice that the verse doesn’t say, “God works all things together to make us feel good.” It doesn’t say that, even though that’s how I interpret it. Romans 8:28 says He works all things for our good.
The real question is, what is our good?
The very next verse answers this question:
“For those God foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those He predestined, He also called; those He called, He also justified; those He justified, He also glorified.”
Romans 8:29–30 NIV, emphasis added
What is our good? Our good is to be conformed to the image of Jesus Christ.
I don’t know what your situation is. Maybe, like me, COVID ripped you abruptly and unexpectedly from your home and threw you into a hard transition in an unfamiliar passport country.
Maybe you’ve seen your parents toil for decades for the spreading of the gospel without a single sign of positive reception. Maybe you’ve seen other TCK friends leave the faith, fall into depression, commit suicide, or spread their hatred of God. Maybe you’ve watched families fall apart or ministry leaders abuse their power. Maybe you’ve experienced spiritual warfare or seen the power of the enemy. Or maybe you feel isolated and alone beyond all hope of ever belonging somewhere.
But this truth holds: He will work it all for your good. He is using all of it to shape you to look like Christ.
When it comes down to it, don’t you long to be like Jesus more than anything? Well, that is what He has promised us! And the Lord does not lie (Num. 23:19). That which He has promised, He will do (Rom. 4:21).
3. How I Should Respond – “Even if” the Worst Happens
The enemy wants us to doubt God’s goodness, to question His promises, and to withhold our trust from Him. He’s been planting seeds of doubt in God’s words since the Garden of Eden when the serpent asked Eve:
“ ‘Did God really say, “You must not eat from any tree in the garden”? ... You will not certainly die,’ the serpent said to the woman.”
Genesis 3:1, 4 NIV, emphasis added
But the response that God asks from us is the opposite of doubt. He asks for our total surrender and trust. He asks me to pray, “Even if the worst happens, I will still trust You and look to You.” Or in the words of Job:
“Though He slay me, yet will I hope in Him.”
Job 13:15 NIV
Trust me, it’s not easy.
In the past year and a half, a close friend of many years has grown distant from me. I’ve been depressed and anxious. I’ve struggled to see God’s goodness in the face of international wars, millions of people displaced from their homes, and the dangers and evils of the city in which I currently live.
Even as I write this, after years of prayer, hard work, and heartache, the tension between my parents has tangibly worsened, and my family members are each suffering in their own way.
I felt like God gave me a word of encouragement many months ago, but everything I see around me points against it. I feel like God isn’t answering prayers, and I’m afraid. Afraid that the worst might happen.
But in the face of the worst possible thing (whatever that is for you), let us imitate the example of Daniel’s three friends in the Bible. The “last words” of Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah strike me as profound trust. They were about to be burned alive by one of the most powerful kings in the world at that time. They had been taken in captivity and their homes had been destroyed (i.e. the worst had already happened to them, so why would they still trust God?). Yet they flatly refused to abandon their allegiance to the Lord, replying calmly and confidently:
“King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and He will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if He does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”
Daniel 3:16-18 NIV, emphasis added
Even if He does not.
Even if He does not restore my friendship with my dear friend. Even if He does not redeem my parents’ relationship. Even if this word that I thought God had spoken to me does not come to pass.
Faith is not conditional. Faith does not say to God, “If You bless me, then I will trust You.” Faith says, “I trust You even if…”
Be encouraged by the ending of the three Hebrews’ story: God saved Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah from the flames. But even better than that: they walked and talked with the Lord!
Let your faith say with David:
“I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.”
Psalm 27:13–14 NIV
The Lord has remained faithful in my life.
In my loss, He has brought other good friends around me and grown even deeper friendships with some I had before. In my depression and anxiety, He has provided free, professional, biblical counseling. And in the unresolved and continued struggles, He has granted grace to sustain me.
Over and beyond all that, He has also given me many wonderful gifts, extra and beautiful things that I wanted. And He has drawn me closer to Him, shown me more of His character, and brought me deeper into prayer.
Remember: as your Creator, the Lord knows you fully (Ps. 139). And He is working all these things to make you more like Jesus (Rom. 8:29).
In your “even if” prayers, may you cling to the truth of who our Lord is, what He has done, and what He will do: conform you to the perfect image of His Son, Jesus Christ, who is the image of the invisible God (Col. 1:15).
May Paul’s conclusion of Romans 8 encourage us:
“What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all—how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things? … Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? … No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Romans 8:31–32, 35, 37–39 NIV
Note from the author:
For more encouragement on this straight from the Bible, I would highly recommend reading all of Romans 8, John 13:31–16:33, and Psalm 27. And remember: Scripture is best read in context!
TCKs for Christ: Newsletter Manager
Chana
is a TCK from America who spent half of her childhood in Indonesia along with her parents and seven younger siblings. She’s passionate about learning new things and seeing the beauty in differences. In her free time, she likes to read, play board games, talk, laugh, write poetry, joke, and meet new people. She’s also a student at Moody Bible Institute, working towards her bachelor’s in Linguistics and Teaching English.
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