Dealing With Disappointed Expectations at Christmas

It was my first Christmas in Korea. My heart fluttered at the beauty of a grand tree laden with glittering golden ornaments and twinkling lights, impressing guests from its prominent spot in the center of the hotel lobby. I sipped expensive hot chocolate and looked at the chandeliers, poinsettia flowers, and miniature Christmas trees that were dotted around. This hotel had been on my “to-go” list since I had seen its Christmas decorations on Instagram.

Perhaps because it was my first Christmas away from family, the holiday felt extra special to me that year. I wanted to hold onto it as a significant piece of my cultural identity, so I was glad to see that Korea celebrated Christmas in style.

However, two years later, as I decorated my own apartment for the season, I knew the truth: Christmas was not, in fact, an important holiday in Korea.

True – beautiful decorations graced department stores and city plazas, and jolly music spilled out of cafes onto the streets. But Christmas was not a family holiday as it was in the West. If anything, it was emphasized as a day for couples. People rarely got time off work for Christmas. There wasn’t a significant spiritual focus or moral encouragement towards selflessness and goodwill. Even my local church didn’t celebrate with a special service, much to my disappointment.

So that year, I decided to host a Christmas dinner. I was recently married, and it was our first Christmas together in our own home. Because we were still unpacking and didn’t have too much space in the apartment, I only invited one friend to dinner. Still, I was excited to host the little party.

Enthusiastically, I prepared my family’s traditional holiday dishes. I crafted tiny Christmas tree snacks shaped from cheese triangles and sprinkled with herbs to mimic pine needles. Channeling my inner decorator, I spread the table with a red tablecloth and golden paper plates. I wrote down some questions and Bible readings to discuss over the dinner. I was ready!    

Then my husband called. He was stuck in the office, dealing with an urgent matter that was dragging on unexpectedly. I should go ahead and start dinner. I swallowed back my discontent with a smile and enjoyed the meal with my friend. We made some good memories.  

But my husband missed the dinner. Even when he arrived home later, he was still on the phone and sequestered himself away to finish the meeting. I couldn’t be angry. I knew my husband was upset and didn’t want this interruption any more than I did. But I was really sad. Celebrating with him had been a core part of my vision for the Christmas I wanted – the way it “should” be – yet it had not materialized after all.

Christmas can be a challenging time for TCKs. We may be far away from friends and family. Some TCKs may be in a country that doesn’t celebrate or value Christmas the way we do. We may have to change how we observe the season. That might be exciting and intriguing, or it might be painful and disappointing.

Whatever happens, we are not alone.

God with Us in the Unexpected

The first Christmas came with disappointed and overturned expectations too.

Mary didn’t expect to become the mother of the Messiah; I’m sure she never imagined a life of the kind of joy, pain, danger, and miracles that came as a result of saying “Yes” to God.

Joseph didn’t expect his fiancée to become pregnant with a child that wasn’t his.

Mary never expected to give birth in a stable, far away from home.

The wise men didn’t imagine that the King would be born in a humble village, rather than in Jerusalem’s royal palace.

The lowly shepherds, looked down on by society, didn’t expect that an angel choir would announce the Savior’s arrival to them.

Mary and Joseph didn’t anticipate having to flee for their lives with their baby.

But in the midst of all the disappointed, upended expectations and surprises – for better or for “worse” – Immanuel was right there.

Immanuel: “God with us.”

Noticing Where God Is

God is still with us. He is with us when Christmas turns out to be as beautiful as we wished. He is also with us when we cry tears of loneliness or frustration that the season didn’t measure up to our hopes.

God was with me in the joy of preparing favorite foods and dancing around the house to Christmas music. He was with me in the excitement of winning a competition for some British delicacies that arrived just in time for the party. 

God was with me when my thwarted Christmas dinner plans made me weep. He was with me when I encouraged my guest and we read Scripture by candlelight, even in the absence of my husband. God was with me, giving me grace and patience to extend to others, instead of snapping harshly or souring the moment because of my own disappointment.  

Where might you see God this Christmas?

It is okay to grieve changes and losses. But may we not miss God’s presence just because a moment doesn’t look like we imagined it would. May we not miss His gifts just because they seem different from what we expected.

Instead, this Christmas, may we lean on the God of hope – the God who is a consistent giver of good gifts, who is with us in every circumstance, and who can redeem our heartaches and rewrite our stories. (See Romans 15:13, James 1:17, Psalm 139:7–10, Romans 8:28, and Genesis 50:20, for example.)

His presence and grace enable us to deal with our own disappointed expectations, opening our eyes to see where He is and our hands to receive what He can give us.

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”
Ephesians 3:20 NIV

---

---