It Gets Easier: Reflecting on 2 Years Since Repatriating

November 18, 2022.

That was the day I stepped off a plane to start a new life on American soil, far away from the family and home I knew.

I’ve come a long way from the terrified 19-year-old I was then.

I went from being a socially awkward girl with no idea how to live on her own, to a (semi) confident young woman who has two years’ worth of incredibly enriching life experiences and opportunities under her belt.

I don’t feel like the same person I was, now over two years later.

I’ve grown in leaps and bounds in independence, courage, friendship, and, above all, my walk with God.

As I reflect on the past two years since I repatriated to the States, I’ve pulled out a few things I’ve learned. Lessons I hope will be helpful to you if you’ve repatriated or are looking ahead to repatriation soon.

Lesson 1: The Only Way Out of the Hard is Through It

I know. Not what you wanted to hear. But it’s true.

No matter how much you prepare for it. No matter how many guardrails you set into place. No matter how many loving people you have around you to support you.

Repatriation will always be hard.

Because it’s like leaving the nest for the first time.

Think of a baby bird who is stepping outside the safety of its nest as it prepares to spread its wings. It doesn’t quite know what to expect down below. It might take a few tumbles before it can fly. And once it learns to fly, it probably won’t return to the nest.

That’s what it’s like for us as TCKs to leave home and repatriate to our passport country for the first time.

Besides the culture shock, adjusting to a new environment, and building a new community, you might also have to learn how to be independent for the first time, pay your own bills, and be responsible for your own schedule without the supervision of your family. All while battling intense homesickness and grief over what you’ve lost.

That’s a lot on the shoulders of any young person. Much more on someone who must learn to navigate a culture they didn’t grow up in.

So give yourself some grace, friend. It’s going to be hard, but the only way out is through it.

Lesson 2: Don’t Give Up Too Soon

Spoiler alert: The homesickness is going to last a lot longer than you think (or hope for).

Matt Jones reports in his book MKs in Focus: Thinking Biblically About the MK Experience that it takes most TCKs 1 ½ – 3 years to complete all five stages of the reentry process (p. 72).

It took me a little over a year for me to feel stable again. Going home for Christmas after my first year in the States allowed me to make my peace with leaving and properly say goodbye to the place I had called home for 10 years.

Because of that, the second year was much easier. 

Do I still get homesick now and again?

Of course. But the waves don’t last as long and aren’t as intense as the first year. And this was the year I truly started to love my state of New Hampshire and realize how much beauty and opportunity was here.

So my advice to you, dear TCK?

Don’t give up trying to make it work just because you’re still homesick after a year (or two). Brighter days are ahead, and there will come a day when you realize you are happy right where you are – even if you still miss home.

Lesson 3: God Will Never Leave You

When I was in the midst of my transition back to the States, I often felt like I was completely alone.

I may not have been physically alone, but emotionally, I felt as though I was surrounded by people who didn’t understand what I was going through and didn’t know how to help me.

It was like having a pane of glass always separating you from everyone around you.

That can feel very isolating.

But in the midst of grief, homesickness, and loneliness, Jesus showed Himself faithful to me. He never abandoned me. He went with me all the way. And He promises to never leave me in the future.

Other people will come and go. Friends will leave. Peers will move on. Siblings will follow their own life paths. Someday, you might have to leave your family and start your own grand adventure.

But the same God who promises that nothing can pluck us out of His hand, also promises that He will be with us until the end of the world (John 10:28; Matt. 28:20).

And that can bring immense comfort when it seems like everything else is shifting and uncertain. Dear TCK, you can rest firmly in the conviction that you are forever rooted in Jesus.

And nothing can change that.

Lesson 4: It’s Worth It

Have these past two years been hard?

Yes.

But have they also been incredibly wonderful?

Oh yes.

I have gotten to experience so many things I would have missed out on had I stayed home.

A thriving church community that has rallied to support me.

A dear second family that has “adopted” me into their own.

Sweet friendships and connections that will last a lifetime.

Several travel experiences across and outside the country.

Exploring the natural beauty of my home state of New Hampshire.

Hearing hurting coworkers’ stories and sharing glimpses of Jesus’ love with them.

Fostering my creativity, love of learning, and love of experiencing new things.

Learning more about God’s purpose for my life.

Best of all, experiencing Jesus in clearer, more real ways than ever before.

I could go on.

These are just a few things that have made my life so much richer since I repatriated in 2022.

And it’s all because I took a risk and stepped out on a limb.

And Jesus has been with me all the way.

TCK, You Don’t Have to Fear Repatriation

I’m far from being experienced at repatriation — I’m only two years in. But let me assure you, dear TCK, don’t let fear of repatriating hold you back or keep you living in a state of misery.

Embrace the hard.

One of the most valuable (and most difficult) lessons I’ve learned is that hard times remind us of how weak we are without God.

It’s incredibly humbling to be forced to recognize your limitations, but also incredibly freeing. Because God never meant for us to do everything on our own. We can’t.

As Paul recognizes in 2 Corinthians 12:9, God is most evident in our weakness. “Therefore,” Paul says, “I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me” (ESV).

Accept that it won’t be easy because when our hearts have loved places and people as deeply as we have, leaving isn’t meant to be easy.

But also remember that it won’t always be hard either. Better days are coming ahead. There will be a day when it will be easier to breathe, to get up each day, to live your life in another country – even while still holding an ache for another place in your heart.

Sorrow and joy can exist together. 

Don’t ever forget that God will be with you every step of the way. You may not always be able to rely on other people. But you can always rely on Him.

“For he has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’”
Hebrews 13:5b ESV

So trust His good heart for you. Trust that He has good plans ahead for you. And don’t ever give up.

I believe you can do it, friend. 

With God, you are stronger than you think.