When Loving Your Passport Country Feels Like a Betrayal

I actually love it here.

I remember the first day I had that thought. It was a late spring day in New Hampshire and I was admiring the beauty of the blooming trees and the view from the hill near my house.

It was an earth-shattering realization for me. Because just a few months before, I’d thought I would never think that.

I couldn’t imagine the day I would ever love the US. At least, not in the same way I loved South Africa. But now … it had happened.

Is it okay for me to think that?

I felt conflicted inside. Was I … betraying my MK background if I loved America too much?

Home Is the Familiar

The truth is that time really does grow a lot of things, including a deeper belonging in the place you live. The longer I spend away from South Africa, the less it feels like home. And that’s just a fact of life. Because home becomes what is familiar. 

It’s where you feel like you most culturally and socially belong. And it makes sense that the more intentional time you invest in the people and places around you, the more you will feel like you belong there.

On Having Many Homes

South Africa is my home. America is my home.

Both can be true at the same time because they are different kinds of home for me.

South Africa will always be my childhood home. Because my family still lives there, I have an intimate familial connection to it.

But America is home in that it’s where my friends and work are and where I feel most comfortable and fulfilled for the time being.

When the Definition of Home Begins to Change

Dear TCK, do you feel as though you are at a crossroads? Are your heart, mind, and soul changing, but you’re conflicted about it?

Throughout your life, you will probably change homes many times. Home is transient and ever-changing, especially when you live a nomadic life as a TCK.

But don’t fear the change. Remember that life is full of changing seasons. 

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven … a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted.” 
Ecclesiastes 3:1, 3 ESV

And whether your overseas country was home for two, seven, or twenty years before you returned to your passport country, you are not betraying who you are.

Because no matter where you go in the world, as long as you have Christ, He will be your home and your anchor.

“Lord, you have been our dwelling place [home] in all generations,” Moses declares in Psalm 90:1 (ESV).

So take a deep breath, friend. If you find discontent and homesickness turning to contentment and satisfaction, thank God for that gift. And lean into that blessing.

When You Don’t Feel at Home in Your Passport Country

Maybe you’re feeling the opposite, as though you will never be content in your passport country.

I know how hard it is to live in limbo like that. For a good year after moving to the States, I was deeply unhappy and wondered if I would ever feel like I belonged here.

Don’t despair, dear TCK.

Be patient with yourself. Give it time. Lean into building relationships and roots that will help you feel more at home.

And if you still feel the niggles of discontent and restlessness at the back of your mind, pray for God to use it for His purposes. Chances are, He gave you those desires for a reason and He plans to use them in the future.

Change Is Part of Life

If you’re anything like me, change is scary. It means a looming uncertainty about the future, conflicting emotions, and jarring adjustments in routine.

But as Christians, we don’t have to be afraid of change.

We follow a God who never changes. For any reason. At any time. For all eternity.

And we can rest in that.

As Ryan Stevenson sings in his song “Eye of the Storm,” we are perfectly safe in the calm of Jesus’ arms, even when life is spinning out of control around us.

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” 
Hebrews 13:8 ESV

Our emotions will change from day to day. Even hour to hour. And while we shouldn’t stake our lives on them, they can be a good indication of where our hearts and minds are.

Whether you’re feeling a deep, abiding contentment in the place you are right now or not, know that God is in that place. And He desires to use you no matter where you pitch your tent, whether overseas or in your passport country.

So no, dear TCK, it’s not a betrayal. 

It’s okay for your emotions about your passport country to change.

It’s okay to hold two homes in your heart at the same time.

And it’s definitely okay to love your passport country.