Today we have Jessi with us! Welcome, Jessi!
Can you tell us a bit about yourself and the different cultures you are part of?
I was born in Singapore, spent the majority of my childhood in England and Turkey, and then went to boarding school in Germany. When I’m asked the dreaded “Which country did you like the most?” I answer that I relate most to British culture, but I have a deep respect for Turkish culture.
Throughout these years of my struggles and observing the struggles of my TCK friends, I wanted to be a part of providing intentional care for TCKs and their unique challenges. So I sought out a psychology degree and a counseling master’s in hopes of doing exactly that!
It has been wonderful fulfilling this dream working at TCK Training! I get to come alongside teen and adult TCKs who want to unravel and unstack their experiences to move forward in healing and thriving. I also have the honor of getting to dream up new products and resources to meet the needs of TCKs, which is so very life-giving. Loving TCKs truly brings me so much joy!
If you could choose one place from your travels as a TCK to revisit, where would it be and why?
Camden Town in London, England! In the 1700s it was a horse stable, but now it’s been turned into a market, and each of the horse stalls is now a little storefront. The Camden Market nostalgically reminded me of Middle Eastern bazaars, even though I was in Europe. It felt like such a cool blend of my cultures, and I loved seeing the diversity – there were cuisines and wares from around the globe, and people were speaking in multiple languages, dialects, and accents. For me, it felt like a little piece of heaven on earth.
What is an advantage of being a TCK?
TCKs tend to be great bridge builders, as the cultures we’ve witnessed have taught us that there is more than one right way or perspective. We can welcome friends and family into an expanded and fuller worldview. Of course, sometimes this can be frustrating, especially when we’re in communities that believe it’s “their way or the highway.” However, some of my favorite conversations I’ve ever had were with people who held vastly different perspectives than mine but were willing to have genuine discussions about the challenges and validity of differing views.
How has being a TCK influenced your friendships/relationships?
As someone who was consistently “the new girl,” I had such a deep longing to be seen and known. This taught me what questions to ask, what was important to show up for, and how to enter conversations in a way that cultivated connection (because these were all things I myself wanted!).
It was necessary for me to unstack and process grief from the repeated losses of community, both to provide healing for myself and to not project those pains onto my friendships moving forward. But as healing came, the ability to show compassion and genuine connection with others grew. I do not take friendships for granted; they are truly a gift to be cherished.
What’s one of God’s characteristics you learned most about as a TCK?
For many years I struggled with all the conflict I witnessed and the loss I experienced due to the differences of cultures and people’s opinions. I wrestled with the story of the Tower of Babel, frustrated that there was separation and (very literally) misunderstandings moving forward due to this.
Sometimes I wondered if it would be better if we all spoke the same language, had similar opinions, and essentially were “all the same.” But as I processed my losses, as I fell more in love with many cultures, and as I revisited God’s promise for all peoples to be together in eternity (Rev 7:9), I came to embrace and truly fall in love with the diversity of humanity.
Humanity’s diversity fully displays God’s creativity, which I adore, and being a TCK was a catalyst for this realization in my life. I find so much joy in seeing how God has made us all so differently, both for His purposes, but also simply for the beauty that it brings to the world!
What is one thing you would like to tell your fellow TCKs?
Be courageous both in grieving and in celebrating.
Taking time to fully embrace the emotions tied to loss builds a deeper connection with God than I have been able to experience in other situations. He has seen me and met me in my grief, anger, frustration, sadness, depression, anxiety, and more. And this has built my hope (Rom. 5:3–5) in moving forward and following Him, knowing that He intimately loves me and truly wants the best for me (Rom. 8:28).
But we also need courage to celebrate.
Sometimes we avoid celebrating ourselves because we believe it is selfishness or pride and therefore sinful. God actually dedicated entire weeks and seasons to celebration! Timothy Keller’s The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness¹ is a great resource that helped me realize acknowledgment of my strengths is not sinful. Often, I’ve found there’s actually a deep fear that if we let our walls down to celebrate, we’re opening ourselves up to more loss. However, I’ve personally experienced that a life without celebration leads to bitterness, burnout, and heartbreak.
You are loved and deserve to celebrate your victories! This could be as simple as saying, “Way to go!” to yourself when you complete a difficult assignment at school or as small as eating a treat for walking through a difficult season.
I have found that when I acknowledge and celebrate the things that seem “insignificant” but are important to me, I’ve found motivation, hope, and joy in moving forward.
Could you end with a prayer for our readers?
Dear Father, I pray over each TCK reader, that You would bring companions who display Your love for them by being a safe space to both process the hard things and celebrate the exciting ones. Please meet them in their pain, enveloping them in Your arms and comfort. I pray that You instill in them the confidence and peace that You love them exactly as they are – that there is nothing they could do or say that would cause them to lose Your love.
Thank you so much for sharing with us, Jessi!
Check out TCK Training’s resources and services developed specifically for teen and adult TCKs processing the unique experiences of their childhood and navigating life moving forward:
- In Unstacking Sessions for ages 14+, an experienced adult TCK coach comes alongside each TCK to guide you through mapping out your grief timeline, unstacking your grief blocks, and developing a plan for moving forward in an emotionally healthy way.
- Repatriation resources such as personalized coaching and the upcoming self-guided course supports adult TCKs through the unique challenges and experiences of transitioning to their passport country.
- Monthly ATCK Coffee Chats in our virtual lounge to build community with other adult TCKs and workshops on navigating things like anxiety, romantic relationships, identity, and university as a TCK.
Reference:
¹Keller, Timothy J. 2012. The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness. 10Publishing.
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