TCK Voices: Shoes at the Door, “Home De-Pot,” and an Abused Family

Today, we have Gloria* with us. Welcome, Gloria! Can you tell us a bit about yourself and the different cultures you are part of?

Of course! Like many TCKs, my story is a little complicated, but I’ll do my best to explain it simply. 

My name is Gloria Thompson. I’m a missionary kid and a pastor’s kid who grew up in Japan for 19 years. I was born in the US, but before I turned one year old, my family moved back to Japan. I’m half Japanese and half American. Growing up, I experienced a blend of cultures — Japanese culture in everyday life and both Japanese and American culture intentionally practiced in my home. Because of that, I feel deeply shaped by both.

Since 2021, I’ve been living in the US, and I’m about to graduate from a college in South Carolina next semester. I’m definitely ready to be done, but I know I’ll miss my friends and my college community a lot. I’ve always loved children and have long felt called to work with kids from difficult backgrounds. This past year, though, the Lord has also grown my love for and interest in working with TCKs through various leadership roles. 

I like to think of my life as a puzzle that the Lord is slowly putting together. There are many moments when I wonder what He’s doing, but I’m reminded again and again to trust the Author as He creates His masterpiece.

Interesting! What are a couple of examples in which Japanese and American cultures are practiced in your family?

One part of Japanese culture that my family implements is taking off our shoes at the door. In our Japanese home, we also have slippers for our guests to wear when they enter the home and slippers specifically for the bathroom. 

Another thing is that my mother religiously makes sure we are protected from the sun. Even as adults, my Mom reminds us to wear lots of sunscreen or clothes that cover us from the sun. In Japan, being pale-skinned is the beauty standard. My mom mainly reminds us because she grew up in Japanese culture, and she wants to protect our skin from the harmful sun rays.

Two American cultural customs that my family practices are telling jokes and saying “I love you” to each other. In some parts of Japan, jokes are more common; however, jokes are typically not as common in Japan as in the US. Our family jokes a ton, especially my dad. He takes his dad joke role very seriously! 

Unfortunately, many Japanese families do not tell one another that they love each other. Even one of the Japanese pastors at a church we worked with for eight years was uncomfortable with the thought of telling his teenage sons he loved them, and he had never done so. My parents recognized the importance of communicating this frequently and made sure to implement this aspect of American culture into our lives. 

What is the strangest thing you have done as a TCK? 

One of the strangest — and funniest — things I can think of is that I thought Home Depot was pronounced “Home, De-Pot” (like a planter pot) for 22 years. Yup … 22. I clearly remember saying it confidently to my American friends, only to turn around and find all four of them on the ground, crying, wheezing, and laughing. I was completely confused at first, but now it’s one of those silly TCK moments you learn to laugh about. It’s since become one of our favorite inside jokes.

Very relatable, haha! Next question: What is an advantage of being a TCK?

This is such a hard question because there are so many advantages! One of the biggest ones I’ve noticed — in myself and other TCKs — is our character development. Many TCKs tend to be flexible, culturally aware, and comfortable being independent. We also get to form unique and meaningful connections with others who share similar experiences, which is something I deeply value.

Could you share a specific experience of your character development in adapting, being culturally aware, and being independent?

I would say an experience that shaped my character and grew me in flexibility, cultural awareness, and independence was going to school in Japan. The Japanese schools I went to emphasized the importance of discipline, respect, responsibility, and stewardship. The students were held to high standards. Children were expected to clean the schools and serve the meals, and people older than them were to be treated with respect. 

Another way that Japanese schools shaped me, specifically in cultural awareness, was in the differences in lifestyle and mindsets I saw in my own life compared to that of my peers. Many of my friends lived in homes where grandparents, and sometimes great-grandparents, lived with them. Another thing that helped me in cultural awareness was when teachers would talk about and sometimes perform Buddhism and Shintoism during school hours. Schools also showed me the honor-shame culture. 

Commuting to school also taught me independence. In elementary and middle school, I walked to and from school. Then in high school, I commuted by train to school for three hours every day. This all helped me become more comfortable in my independence.

Japanese culture tends to lean toward the collectivist side (“we” over “I”), whereas US culture leans toward the opposite, individualistic side (“I” over “we”). Do these cultural extremes create conflict or balance in your family?

That’s a really good question! I have never thought about my family’s dynamics, specifically when it comes to whether we are leaning more towards a collectivist mindset. I would probably say that we lean more towards an individualistic mindset, but we definitely think with a more collectivist mindset than most American families. 

When it comes to examples of an individualistic mindset, our parents have always encouraged my siblings and me to pursue what we are interested in for our careers and our God-given talents and passions, rather than what would be best for the family’s benefit. Our parents were also super intentional in training my sisters and me in independence and self-reliance. 

However, we definitely leaned more towards a collectivist mindset when it came to dealing with challenges (e.g. conflict), planning (e.g. coming up with a plan for how to keep the house clean together), or communication (e.g. the word “we” and “together” was used more often), since our whole family would meet together and make sure everyone was on the same page. 

Overall, I think my family, by God’s grace, adopted the good parts of both Japanese and American mindsets and created our own little blend of culture. 

Who was someone that you met that made a difference in your life, and how?

I would have to say a particular Japanese family, a single mother and her two sons, made a really big difference in my life. I met the family when I was 16 years old. They had just arrived in my town in Japan and had secretly fled from the States to run away from their abusive father. The family had seemed very normal, and I was completely caught off guard when the youngest boy, who was three years old at that time, “slipped up” and told me about how his father beat up his brother all the time and how it made him angry. The Lord used this interaction to open my eyes to the fact that we often don’t see or understand what others may be going through. 

It also opened my eyes to the limited resources and support in Japan for families dealing with abuse, mental health struggles, and emotional trauma. Through that family and that experience, the Lord grew my passion for caring for children from difficult and broken situations.  

Wow, that’s amazing! Are you volunteering at church ministries or support groups? Are you studying a related major in college for this?

I am doing a major that I hope to use to work with children who come from difficult home situations like this. I currently babysit for a couple of families who are struggling with health, and I have interned with many different ministries related to this topic between my semesters. Since this is my last semester before graduation, I have had to focus on my studies more, so I have had to give up my time in some of these ministries. I am excited that after graduation, I will be able to go into a job that is related to these passions.

How has being a TCK influenced your faith?

Being a TCK was actually what helped me to realize my personal need for Jesus and the gospel! When I was around eight years old, I noticed the shrines throughout my city and the salt towers placed outside my neighbors’ homes. That was when I realized that there were thousands of religions in the world.

Because my parents were missionaries who openly shared the gospel, I began to wonder whether Christianity was truly the one true faith or only one belief among many. By God’s grace, living cross-culturally and being exposed to other religions pushed me to ask questions and look at the gospel for myself. Through that process, the Lord led me to a personal relationship with Jesus and a true understanding and acceptance of the gospel.

What is one thing you would like to tell your fellow TCKs?

Wherever you are, whatever ethnicity you are, and wherever you call your “home,” remember that we are ultimately children of the King and part of His kingdom! For years, I struggled with trying to find out where I fit in. I often felt insecure and scared of not knowing things or of making mistakes that others around me wouldn’t have made. 

Whether we are TCKs or not, it is so important to remember that we are children of the King and to live like it. As TCKs who often feel out of place, we have the opportunity to constantly remember our true identity and point others to it, too! Let’s proudly be brothers and sisters in the family of the King together!

Thank you for sharing with us, Gloria!

*A pseudonym has been used for this interview to safeguard the interviewee’s privacy and future ministry work.